Love Dare Day 14: Love Takes Delight

December 29, 2011 at 8:30 am Leave a comment

Day 13: Love Fights Fair
Today I am supposed to talk with my kids about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If my kids aren’t ready for this, I must write out my own personal rules to “fight” by. I must resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.
Here is what I came up with:
I will deal with my own issues up-front.
I will speak gently and keep my voice down.
I will actively listen first before speaking.
I will really seek to understand their point of view.
I will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.
I will not manipulate or say harmful things.
I will not fight in public or in front of siblings.
I will call a “time out” if conflict escalates to a damaging level.
I will never touch anyone in a harmful way.
Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will work this out.
I did not go over this list with the kids or get their input on it yet, because I’m still working on it. In making the list, it was clear to me that if I kept to these rules, I would be honoring my child and, in turn, honoring God with our interaction. Even if they strayed from the “rules”, it would be alright because as long as I am honoring to God in my interaction, I will have done the right thing.
I learned with my horrible fights with Stephen that once I stopped “doing the dance” and stopped reacting to his promptings and manipulation, the argument would subside and he would apologize. He was angry…. not even angry at me, per se, but just so angry and I was the safe person in his life that he felt like he could take it out on. Once I realized that, I was able to take a step back and help him get healthy by not giving in to his anger. He didn’t like it at first…. the dance had become comfortable. I knew I had to stop in order for him to be able to grow. It is so hard when someone knows how to push every button you have and dig into every insecurity… but when you have your strength in the Lord and rest on His promises, there is not one thing He can;t help you through!
So, yesterday was really good! I had some work I needed to get done and the kids hung out in the living room with me READING while I did it! It was great! I went in the kitchen to make dinner and one by one they followed me in there for a few minutes at a time just to chat while I cooked. Dustin talked to me about the devotional he has been doing without me even asking him and they were all very helpful with asking me if there was anything they could help me with.
🙂 Good stuff.
We continued our conversation with Stephen and that went really well. In all of us hearing each other out and not jumping to conclusions, I think we are actually going to be able to come up with a great solution we are all happy with.
I even got a txt yesterday from the kids’ biological mother thanking me for the Christmas present we sent her family. That was a nice little miracle on my God Hunt 🙂
Day 14: Love Takes Delight
Today I must purposely neglect and activity I would normally do so I can spend quality time with my kids. I need to do something they would love to do or a project they would really to work on. We need to just be together.

Ecclesiastes 9:9

Seize life! Eat bread with gusto,    Drink wine with a robust heart.    Oh yes—God takes pleasure in your pleasure!    Dress festively every morning.    Don’t skimp on colors and scarves.    Relish life with the spouse you love    Each and every day of your precarious life.    Each day is God’s gift. It’s all you get in exchange    For the hard work of staying alive.    Make the most of each one!    Whatever turns up, grab it and do it. And heartily!    This is your last and only chance at it,    For there’s neither work to do nor thoughts to think    In the company of the dead, where you’re most certainly headed.

THIS is where it is so important for me to be INTENTIONAL about leading my heart….. not just following it. A little while ago we had our kids take the love languages assessment to tell us what their primary love language is and for ALL FIVE of them, quality time was one of their top 2 love languages. So, this dare will certainly mean something to all of them. I’m not sure yet what I part of my day I will carve out this time for them in, but I know the Lord will show me. None of them work today, too, so that is a plus!

Lord, show me how to make the most of my time with my kids everyday! You know the desires of their hearts…. help me to see those desires as you do and give them the quality time they are looking for from me. Help me to have energy for them during this time and be focused totally on our interaction and making it the best it can be. I thank you in advance for how You will help guide my day to make this time happen and may You get all the glory! In Jesus’ name, amen.


Entry filed under: Faith, Love Dare, Parenting, Step Parenting, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , .

Love Dare Day 13: Love Fights Fair Love Dare Day 15: Love is Honorable

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Intentional Living

December 2011
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