Archive for July 2, 2012

A Resolution to be Content: Every Bite Counts

Thirty-six.

I, Megan Smidt, am currently thirty-six years old….. and I am in process of completing this year of my life (Lord willing) that Priscilla recalls dreading at the beginning of our book.

So far, I am loving being 36 and I am content in this season. However, I can certainly relate to the discontent that Priscilla shares with us in this chapter.

I remember BEGGING my parents while I was in high school to let me get my GED and start college. I never felt like I “fit in” in high school (Who did, right?) and I couldn’t wait to get started with the rest of my life. I was bored and most of my friends were out of high school anyway. My list of reasons why I should was a mile long…… and my parents’ list why I shouldn’t only had one thing on it:

“You will miss all of your senior year fun stuff like Prom, Grad Night, all the other dances.”

Um…. I didn’t go to any of those.

I was discontent, but I was obedient and started college with the rest of the Valencia High School Graduating class of 1993.

I gave college everything I had and I was bored. I worked and went to school. I was in a band or two. I published my own magazine about the local music scene. I hung out with friends. I mentored young girls. I filled up every second of every day trying to get rid of any time I might have had to possibly feel all of the discontent I had in my heart and soul.

It worked….. and made this overachiever even more of an overachiever and I even got a big old eating disorder out of it! I had made myself so busy as I tried to find contentment in things of this world that I had become even more discontent and my life was spinning out of control. So, I grasped onto food as the one thing I could control and I became anorexic.

I lost 80 pounds in just a few months.

I kept doing a million things but I did get help with my eating. I got some toxic people out of my life and replaced them with a few different toxic people. I kept up with this cycle up until I was 26 and I met Craig.

I had one failed marriage under my belt and I was absolutely still discontent. I was 27 when Craig and I were given full custody of his 5 kids and I didn’t have time anymore to even attempt to fill my life with anything other than fulfilling whatever needs Craig and the kids had.

I could no longer work. My friends didn’t know what to do with me and I didn’t know what to do with them as I now came with 5 kids in tow. I could no longer sing in bands. I had no more creative outlet. I now gained an ex-wife.

I was the most content and discontent I had ever been.

I never felt so much love in my heart before. I loved Craig and the kids so much, but I let myself completely get lost in my new life with them. I lost my identity and I was drowning. It took everything in me just to get through the day, let alone have any time for “me.”

I began having a relationship with the Lord, but not even close to the intimate relationship I have with Him now. I was not content. I kept trying to satisfy my dissatisfaction with food or spending money… but both always left me feeling even worse.

We moved to Tennessee in 2007 and it wasn’t until God had me completely broken and dependant on Him until I was finally ready to let HIM fill every nook and cranny in my heart. I am happy to report that finally, at age thirty-six I am FINALLY content. I live each day to the fullest and try to be in the moment with all I do… not to miss anything. I no longer dwell in the past and I don’t try to rush ahead to the future either. It took me becoming whole in my heart and finally getting rid of all of the junk I had tried stuffing my heart with to fill the emptiness in a place where  only God could fit.

1 Timothy 6:6

6 Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth.

1 Timothy 6:8

8 But if we have food and clothing, with these we shall be content (satisfied).

Hebrews 13:5

5 Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have;

for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,”

Lord, help me to know if I still have any areas of my life that are filled with discontent and rid me of that deceptive feeling. Help me to always be happy with what I have and have joy in my heart in all cirsumstances. You are my perfect portion and You are all I need. Thank you for your extravagant provision! Help me to see ways I can help others to also be content right where they are in whatever season they are in. I love you, Lord, and I thank you. Amen ❤

****PLEASE follow along with Craig’s journey here:

http://adversusmundi.wordpress.com/2012/07/02/courageous-whyweneedmenofresolution/

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July 2, 2012 at 6:00 am 13 comments


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