The Resolution for Women: Underneath it All

August 9, 2012 at 6:00 am 5 comments

SO far, I have read today’s lesson 5 times and I’m still digesting it all. Today is all about our foundation….. our heart condition.

Priscilla reminds us that whatever comes out of our mouths is a direct reflection of the condition of our own hearts.

OUCH.

She gives us several symptoms as well as their matching remedies and I am sad to say that I need some heart surgery 😦

Symptom: Are you constantly critical and demeaning in your spoken sentiments?

um…… yeah…. to my kids, I am. (hangs head low in shame)

Diagnosis: These are often code words for insecurity and a lack of certainty in your inherent value, as well as a heart infested with anger and judgmental attitudes.

:O

Yes, I have battled with insecurity since I was a kid and becoming a step-mom only made them worse.  I have gotten better as I have gotten older, but it does make perfect sense to me why I would be this way with my kids since that is the relationship I have that I am the most insecure in. I don’t think I am judgmental and I think I have forgiven all those who I have harbored unforgiveness against…… but I do know that I still struggle with feeling valued by my kids and with insecurity in my role as mom.

I KNOW I need to only look to the Lord for my value as people will always let me down. I think a lot of this also stems from me always being the “bad cop” since I have most of the day-to-day interactions with the kids since Craig is out-of-town so much. I know this is not an excuse, but it does help to give me perspective on my I struggle specifically in those relationships.

For years, the kids weren’t even allowed to say my name around their biological mother. I did everything for them and was their primary caregiver, but still she always treated me as a glorified babysitter and tried to act like I didn’t even exist. The kids would never talk about me on the phone with her. They would tell her they were bored and never did anything fun because they didn’t want her to feel bad…. and they knew I would be here for them no matter what, so it never mattered how it might make me feel. For many years, I had no rights when it came to the kids and I had no voice, but they were MY life. Yes, this will totally mess with your head, especially if you struggle with insecurities to begin with.

I have never tried to be her and I know she could never be me….. but they will always pine for her as she gave birth to them and they always want her approval, love and attention. I give all those things everyday… but it is expected from me. I am always here. I am their constant.

SO, underneath it all I have a wounded heart that only God can fix. He is my Great Physician and I am ready and willing to go underneath his mighty knife and let Him heal my heart the way that only He can. I don’t think a transplant is needed……. just a stint and maybe an angioplasty…. I might need a few days off to recover, but I know that with God, my Heavenly Father, I certainly am in good hands.

Dear Lord, I ask that you heal my heart and any wounded hearts of my precious sisters in Christ. We are Your Treasured Daughters and we want more than anything to fix our foundations in order to be our best for your glory! NO more patch jobs… no more band aids. We want to go to straight to the core of our problems to be healed once and for all for Your Kingdom. Bless us. Lord, and give us the courage and fortitude to make it happen with your supernatural strength within us! We thank you Lord for all you will do to help us! In Jesus’ name I pray, amen ❤

Craig is having an amazing journey on the Resolution for Men here: www.adversusmundi.wordpress.com

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Entry filed under: Faith, Friendship, God's Power, marriage, Parenting, Resolution, Step Parenting, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , .

The Resolution for Women: Shhhhhh! The Resolution for Women: Week 6

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. coleen  |  August 9, 2012 at 7:10 am

    dear megan, i am praying along with you for the perfect success of your heart surgery. asking the Lord to continue to reveal to you through the holy spirit the issues of your heart. and that He would also provide all that is necessary for the cleansing and repairing and renewing of your beautiful, sweet, suppliant, loving heart. so that then you will fully be “…the upright (honorable, intrinsically good) man out of the good treasure [stored] in his heart produces what is upright (honorable and intrinsically good)…for out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks” as Jesus has shown us. how good God is that He is continually helping us to change and be renewed so that we more &more conform to who He made us to be—made in His image(colossians 3:10)! God bless your efforts and your desire to be pleasing to Him, megan! ❤

    Reply
  • 2. megansmidt  |  August 9, 2012 at 7:12 am

    Thank you for your encouragement, Coleen ❤ You are a dear friend 🙂

    Reply
  • 3. Cynda  |  August 9, 2012 at 8:05 am

    Unfortunately I have more than one symptom 😦 All stem from insecurity & a lack of trust in God. I am working on believing God, not just believing in Him but major repairs are needed. Love the way you put it Megan – “No more patch jobs”. Your honesty and openness add such value & insight :). Thanks again Megan

    Reply
    • 4. megansmidt  |  August 9, 2012 at 8:09 am

      Cynda, I am praying with you for God to restore your heart ❤ I'm always here for you if you need a shoulder or an ear ❤

      Reply
    • 5. coleen  |  August 9, 2012 at 8:28 am

      hi cynda,
      you are not alone…praying for you as God responds to your desire to trust Him, believe Him. ❤

      Reply

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