Love Dare Day 18: Love Seeks to Understand

Day 17: Love Promotes Intimacy

Determine to guard my kids’ secrets and pray for them. Talk with them and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with me. Make them feel safe.

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Really heavy, deep conversations weren’t really needed yesterday, so I just did a lot of reflecting of past conversations I have had with the kids like this. Thank God, the kids have shared their hearts with us on many occasions and reflecting on that yesterday made me feel good…. that they do feel safe. I have really had to be therapists 24/7 for most of the time I have been in their lives because of the abandonment and hard things they have had to endure.

It also made me think about how hard it has been for ME because they feel so safe…… especially when they were younger, that meant that I was the one they lashed out on and said things to they didn’t mean to, because I was safe and they knew I would be there for them no matter what. James, my oldest, has apologized to me about that many times now that he is an adult… not only because he did it, but because he was able to see me take the fall-out from all of their pain for so many years.

I thank God for this. I thank HIm for being with me through all those hard years to get me to this point now. He helped me to love them through all of that because He showed me that they were just doing the best they could and I just needed to be there to hold them and comfort them….. but to make clear boundaries that it was not okay to treat me badly. I had to help them understand their behavior and re-direct it to healthier channels. I had to help them draw out how they felt and not keep it hidden inside.

I can’t think of anything more intimate.

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Day 18: Love Seeks to Understand

Prepare a special dinner at home for the kids and I. It can be as nice as I prefer. I need to focus this time on getting to know my kids better, perhaps in areas we have rarely talked about before. I need to determine to make it an enjoyable evening for us.

OH GOOD! None of the kids work until 7pm….. so all will be able to be home for dinner. This is also the last day of their winter break from school, so that is another reason to make it special.

Lord, give me revelation into the types of conversation You want me to have with my kids at our special dinner tonight. Prepare the way for us to have a fun time together honoring each other. Help me to really understand my kids and know their biggest dreams and even the tiniest details of their lives. We are setting a place at the table for you, Heavenly Father, and we thank you in advance for meeting us there. Amen.